Here we go for real again

 

I guess here we go with another attempt at losing weight again.

I just want to let everyone know I have always struggled with weight my whole life and I feel like I am starting to get a hold on it but it might also be because I am almost forty years old and I want to get a grip on it now.

I have started walking along more around even if it just walking up and down the street on the sidewalk for like thirty to forty five minutes.

I have also started drinking a lot more water which I never really thought would happen.

I am going to start using myfitnesspal to help track everything I buy and eat as I am also gonna try to start eating much more healthier and limiting the things that hurt my body. 

I just recently saw my primary care physician  and when I was weighed in I was at 386 pounds so I lost about 15-20 pounds in the 6 or so months since I last saw Him. I do plan on buying a home scale but I am not sure when that will be.

He also wants me to maybe see a kidney specialist as he thinks there might be something wrong with my kidney. The last time I saw him he referred me to see a nonsurgical weight loss doctor but I suddenly lost the paperwork for that and he has three referred me for that as well so I am definitely taking all this a lot more serious as I want to get my life fixed not just with my mental health but with my actual health considering what I have been through in my life.

So if you want to come for the ride I will try to make updates on my weight loss Journey and post pictures as well and I also made a section in my Discord server as well

https://discord.gg/WGDVC6ek

I want to thank everybody for taking the time to read this and I want everybody to please keep me accountable for everything I want to work on because I do not easily motivate myself

Again thanks for reading and I will see you in the next post

-Smiles 

The real me

 Welcome everyone back to the blog.

This will not be an easy blog for me to do but I need to do it because I need to open up and be myself.

I am apart of the ABDL community and lifestyle which stands for Adult Baby Diaper Lovers and I am apart of the Adult Baby side of things.

I am making this post to feel more secure on who I am and wanna be.

I want to be treated and dressed to full capacity as a baby girl and I one day wanna live like that 100% of the time which means I wanna wear diapers, girls clothes, have nails done, makeup, hair (wigs) and the full nine yards. I also wanna be treated like a baby fully as well like my diapers being changed even in public, bottle fed or breast fed, eat baby food and the whole bone yard for this also.

When it comes to the clothes I wanna wear bras, undergarments, diapers, dresses, skirts, socks and all other clothes also.

I know this post may catch people off guard and people may find this weird and don't understand this but I have secretly wanted to do all of this since high school.

I know alot of people won't accept this type of lifestyle but I need to be honest upfront and be who I am and I hope people can accept me for who I am.

I also have an alter ego known as Skye Marie and my Adult Baby age is a baby girl that is between the ages of 0-1.

Since I am on such sensitive topics at the moment I will also like to come out and say that I am bisexual and have been for about a few years now and just wanted to add that also.

So I understand if I lose friends or family over this post I have accepted it cause I need to be myself.

Thanks for reading.

Skye Marie aka Smiles

Well Hello and more...

 Welcome,

First off I would like to wish everybody a Happy New Year and welcome to 2022 I hope everybody has a wonderful and safe year.

I also would like to say that this will be a very long post but thank you for being here and taking the time to read this.

I am starting my blog post off with this year with goals that I want to complete this year as we all know the last couple of years I have not taken very good care of myself and I need to fix it before it gets out of control.

I will first start off with I visited my primary care physician on December 27th for my 6 month check up and when I went to get on the scale I wait a lot more than what I wanted to and I felt disgusted with myself because I weighed in at 412 pounds to me that is a very unacceptable and it makes me feel disgusted about myself how could I let myself get this bad I need to find a way to quit roller coaster riding with my weight and I want to find a way to keep it off after I lose the weight so thankfully my doctor recommended me to a non surgical Weight Loss Management and I'm going to take it serious this time because I need to.

My thoughts in my head when I saw that number on the scale is how? And my feelings were out of whack also like I said before I felt disgusted about myself I don't feel handsome at this weight and I know it's definitely not healthy to be at this weight so my first goal for this year is to lose weight and to get healthy so I can be around for my niece who is my motivation also being around for my family is my motivation as well.

My next big goal I want to tackle this year is to quit smoking because I say this every year and I never end up doing it but the nice thing is I have slowed down on how much I smoke even though I am still smoking at the moment my goal is to not be smoking by the end of the year.

My next goal is I need to take better care of my apartment and keep it clean because let's be honest I hardly ever clean it I clean it like once every like two or three months and this needs to stop immediately because I know if I have a clean apartment I will have the better feeling for my mental health and maybe it would make me feel accomplished knowing that I finished something because I don't feel accomplished with anything in my life up to this point other than graduating high school.

My next goal is that I want to start going back to church and improve my relationship with my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ because I have not been to church in a while and I feel like this is a way that could help guide me and give me direction outside of friends and family.

My next goal outside of all of this is to just find a job because I have not really had a job in the last 2 years and I basically haven't even been looking and I know it's time for me to start looking for a job but I just have not had the motivation and my mental health has been bad because of everything going on with coronavirus for like the last like 2 years and with everything going on with coronavirus I just don't want to look for a job.

I feel like I need to be more open about my feelings and how I'm feeling and how I'm doing so maybe with this blog I will start posting stuff about that more and maybe it will help me. Because when it comes to my feelings I do feel like I'm alone.

I guess this is everything for now so I won't bore you guys any longer but thanks for coming to the site and thanks for taking the time to read this and I will see you guys in the next post.

-Smiles 

What to expect?

Welcome

As you all may know I am revamping the site to give it a fresh new look for the upcoming new year as I have not treated it well in 2021 and I want to change that.

So you are probably wondering what to expect here at Smiles world the posts on this blog will be about everything that goes on in my life and I will also include reviews on  like food and stuff and I might even include clips from my streams. 

I am not going to start the full blog posts until the new year.

So to end out 2021 I will have a post here in there.

Thank you all for visiting and I will see you all in the new year.

Welcome

Welcome!

Welcome to the new improved Smiles world where I am going to have a lot more information and blog post about things that go on in my life and I will also have reviews of different things as I am going to try and update this a lot more as I have not been the last couple of years and I want to keep blogging because it helps me express myself and I'm also better at expressing myself when I write things down.

Also all the current information that's wrong on here will be updated and I will also keep everybody updated when I make updates.

Am I Getting Better?

 As we move further into the depths of 2021 and also with everything still going on around the planet I have felt a false sense of hope for a bright future as I just dont see it happening on this planet and I am not sure if this is a good or bad thing for me to think.

As for me personally I have had my good days but there has been more bad days than good days so fair this year. Their have been days to me where I just wanted to end life because I feel I have not accomplished anything in life,and also dont feel like I am making anyone proud or helping anyone. At this point in my life I have come to the realization that I will be alone forever and I guess I can live with that because I have never truly found who I am and I have never really felt cute, handsome or attractive to anyone.

The dreams I want to fully achieve I feel I will never get there I just feel I have lost hope in living.

As I said back in my blog post in january I am thankful for all the people that I have met through streaming on twitch because streaming is the only time I feel normal and when I'm not streaming I feel like a lost cause and also that I have my niece to keep me motivated as best as it can.

So I guess to answer the title of this blog post is I am currently doing fifty fifty at the moment because like I said earlier I have my good days and my bad days but I want to try and make more good days for the future because I know In the long run it will help my mental health which is not so good at the moment and i wanna be better for me and my future.

As for the goals I have been keeping to myself I have not been keeping them and I can't even keep them for twenty four hours. So I'm thinking maybe a goals blog post might be helpful and might keep me accountable and motivate me to do the goals and maybe that will be my next post if you guys would like to see a goals post.

I think I have rambled on long enough so I am going to end the post here I want to thank everybody for taking the time to read this.

-Joseph

What Happened?

 Welcome Fellow Readers,

Where have I been  you ask? Well 2020 was the worst year of my life and even before  that it started all the way back in November 2019 my anxiet and depressionreally started to ramp up really bad and their was about three or four times during 2020 that I wanted to end my life because  I felt worthles and definitely lost and that the whole world was crashing down on me all at once.

Even though as hard as last year was I did have one bright spot that kept me going on and not wanting to end my life my sister finally gave birth to my niece in September of 2020 so I want to be around for my niece and I also I want to change my lifestyle so I can be around her for a long time so she can have her uncle.

Actually I guess there is another bright spot I should mention is all the people that I have met while streaming on Twitch and have become good friends with that means a lot to me and of much appreciated more than they will ever know.

We usually make a goal post on my blog that every year but I feel like for this year I'm not going to do that I'm just going to take every day by day at a slow pace and see what each day brings me since every day will have a different challenge but I will keep goals in my head.

I also say this a lot but I am going to try to blog more and more and put my feelings out there when I want to talk about it and I just hold it in until I explode like I have basically for the last year to a year and a half because I feel like it would be good therapy for me and if most people know I have a hard time talking about emotions straight up to people and I feel better when I write it down so I figure this blog can be my outlet to speak on how I'm feeling and to talk about my mental health.

I know I have not been the best blogger but that's going to change for 2021 as far as I know but as for other goals I'm going to keep them to myself.

I want to thank everyone for being in my life and helping me get along to help me get through a rough year and here's to a better year and working on myself to get better I do love you all and you guys are always in my prayers and I thank everybody for taking the time to read this blog I'm sorry it has been so long since I have wrote One as I wanted to write this a long time ago I just did not have the courage to write it but I am glad I Found the courage to write it now

Thanks,

-Joseph