What to expect?

Welcome

As you all may know I am revamping the site to give it a fresh new look for the upcoming new year as I have not treated it well in 2021 and I want to change that.

So you are probably wondering what to expect here at Smiles world the posts on this blog will be about everything that goes on in my life and I will also include reviews on  like food and stuff and I might even include clips from my streams. 

I am not going to start the full blog posts until the new year.

So to end out 2021 I will have a post here in there.

Thank you all for visiting and I will see you all in the new year.

Welcome

Welcome!

Welcome to the new improved Smiles world where I am going to have a lot more information and blog post about things that go on in my life and I will also have reviews of different things as I am going to try and update this a lot more as I have not been the last couple of years and I want to keep blogging because it helps me express myself and I'm also better at expressing myself when I write things down.

Also all the current information that's wrong on here will be updated and I will also keep everybody updated when I make updates.

Am I Getting Better?

 As we move further into the depths of 2021 and also with everything still going on around the planet I have felt a false sense of hope for a bright future as I just dont see it happening on this planet and I am not sure if this is a good or bad thing for me to think.

As for me personally I have had my good days but there has been more bad days than good days so fair this year. Their have been days to me where I just wanted to end life because I feel I have not accomplished anything in life,and also dont feel like I am making anyone proud or helping anyone. At this point in my life I have come to the realization that I will be alone forever and I guess I can live with that because I have never truly found who I am and I have never really felt cute, handsome or attractive to anyone.

The dreams I want to fully achieve I feel I will never get there I just feel I have lost hope in living.

As I said back in my blog post in january I am thankful for all the people that I have met through streaming on twitch because streaming is the only time I feel normal and when I'm not streaming I feel like a lost cause and also that I have my niece to keep me motivated as best as it can.

So I guess to answer the title of this blog post is I am currently doing fifty fifty at the moment because like I said earlier I have my good days and my bad days but I want to try and make more good days for the future because I know In the long run it will help my mental health which is not so good at the moment and i wanna be better for me and my future.

As for the goals I have been keeping to myself I have not been keeping them and I can't even keep them for twenty four hours. So I'm thinking maybe a goals blog post might be helpful and might keep me accountable and motivate me to do the goals and maybe that will be my next post if you guys would like to see a goals post.

I think I have rambled on long enough so I am going to end the post here I want to thank everybody for taking the time to read this.

-Joseph

What Happened?

 Welcome Fellow Readers,

Where have I been  you ask? Well 2020 was the worst year of my life and even before  that it started all the way back in November 2019 my anxiet and depressionreally started to ramp up really bad and their was about three or four times during 2020 that I wanted to end my life because  I felt worthles and definitely lost and that the whole world was crashing down on me all at once.

Even though as hard as last year was I did have one bright spot that kept me going on and not wanting to end my life my sister finally gave birth to my niece in September of 2020 so I want to be around for my niece and I also I want to change my lifestyle so I can be around her for a long time so she can have her uncle.

Actually I guess there is another bright spot I should mention is all the people that I have met while streaming on Twitch and have become good friends with that means a lot to me and of much appreciated more than they will ever know.

We usually make a goal post on my blog that every year but I feel like for this year I'm not going to do that I'm just going to take every day by day at a slow pace and see what each day brings me since every day will have a different challenge but I will keep goals in my head.

I also say this a lot but I am going to try to blog more and more and put my feelings out there when I want to talk about it and I just hold it in until I explode like I have basically for the last year to a year and a half because I feel like it would be good therapy for me and if most people know I have a hard time talking about emotions straight up to people and I feel better when I write it down so I figure this blog can be my outlet to speak on how I'm feeling and to talk about my mental health.

I know I have not been the best blogger but that's going to change for 2021 as far as I know but as for other goals I'm going to keep them to myself.

I want to thank everyone for being in my life and helping me get along to help me get through a rough year and here's to a better year and working on myself to get better I do love you all and you guys are always in my prayers and I thank everybody for taking the time to read this blog I'm sorry it has been so long since I have wrote One as I wanted to write this a long time ago I just did not have the courage to write it but I am glad I Found the courage to write it now

Thanks,

-Joseph