As we move further into the depths of 2021 and also with everything still going on around the planet I have felt a false sense of hope for a bright future as I just dont see it happening on this planet and I am not sure if this is a good or bad thing for me to think.
As for me personally I have had my good days but there has been more bad days than good days so fair this year. Their have been days to me where I just wanted to end life because I feel I have not accomplished anything in life,and also dont feel like I am making anyone proud or helping anyone. At this point in my life I have come to the realization that I will be alone forever and I guess I can live with that because I have never truly found who I am and I have never really felt cute, handsome or attractive to anyone.
The dreams I want to fully achieve I feel I will never get there I just feel I have lost hope in living.
As I said back in my blog post in january I am thankful for all the people that I have met through streaming on twitch because streaming is the only time I feel normal and when I'm not streaming I feel like a lost cause and also that I have my niece to keep me motivated as best as it can.
So I guess to answer the title of this blog post is I am currently doing fifty fifty at the moment because like I said earlier I have my good days and my bad days but I want to try and make more good days for the future because I know In the long run it will help my mental health which is not so good at the moment and i wanna be better for me and my future.
As for the goals I have been keeping to myself I have not been keeping them and I can't even keep them for twenty four hours. So I'm thinking maybe a goals blog post might be helpful and might keep me accountable and motivate me to do the goals and maybe that will be my next post if you guys would like to see a goals post.
I think I have rambled on long enough so I am going to end the post here I want to thank everybody for taking the time to read this.
-Joseph
